Over the holidays we ventured across the frozen tundra of
Iowa and into Nebraska where we spent a week with family and old friends. I have to admit that it did not go as
expected.
My older children have changed quite a bit, each with new
problems, new interests and even new hair styles. While I had fantasized of a
week that was filled with traditions and family closeness, the first four days
was spent re-introducing ourselves to each other, trying to see how we all fit
again!
Change. I don’t like
it.
During the visit I had to go visit an old friend, which in
itself was not unusual, but this time it was at her grave. She passed away just days before I arrived.
Change. I don’t like it.
Over the course of the visit, we tried to rekindle
traditions and rituals that had been a part of our family Christmas’ for over
20 years, but alas, there was little this trip that resembled the Christmas’ of
old and I was left wondering if the trip would be made again next year.
Change. I don’t like it.
During the last 6 weeks, amidst the holiday bustle and
travel and stress, I have met with Wayne Mueller who graciously agreed to take
over leadership of our Chasing4Life Disaster Response Team just 6 months ago.
The decision was made over the holiday period to shut down the team permanently
and disband the team due to lack of involvement, internal issues and lack of
real leadership.
Change. I don’t like it, but I am starting to understand it.
The journey of my life has not been an easy one, but I have
to admit that despite the difficulties, I have made some positive and very
noticeable changes in my life and within my organization. The recent changes such as shutting down
Chasing4Life and recreating the organization as C4L & Associates was
emotionally and mentally breaking me, but the recent successes have begun to
outweigh the pain and anguish.
I also know there is more to do. In business and in my
personal life.
Change
is not easy and when you allow it or work hard at making changes it can get
depressing when the results do not present themselves as hoped for. It is hard
to remember that change is not a single event but a process with no real
stopping point so you have to commit or surrender yourself to the process to
avoid insanity.
Change
is about being resolved to the fact that you are no longer in control. Ahhh… resolutions…Happy New Year. We say that
quite a bit this season don’t we? Do we
ever really WANT it? Do we ever think of the implications of what would happen
if it really was a NEW year and not just a copy of the last? A NEW year could
bring different friends and the end of old relationships! A truly NEW year could bring a different
company model or new policies! It could
bring more stress or less! A real NEW year would be different!
Change.
Maybe we need a NEW year.
We
could learn quite a bit from country line dancing when we try to understand how
change works. There is a popular country
line dance song that speaks of taking one step forward and two steps back.
Mathematically this seems ludicrous and
futile, but somehow, magically, if you just do the steps and hold onto your
partner, you end up making it around the room…
Research
has found that change rarely occurs in a straightforward, linear sequence,
and when people falter, they usually don't fall all the way back to
where they first began the journey. In fact, if viewed and used correctly, the
missteps can serve as learning opportunities, helping you become
better prepared for the next leg of the trip.
I
guess that is where I have been. Learning.
According
to Psychology Today, there are five stages of change. Although
several models of change have been developed and researched, one of the most referenced models
is the transtheoretical model (TTM) developed by James Prochaska and Carlo
DiClemente. The model presupposes that individuals who are trying to
make changes are in one of the five stages of change at any given point in
the process. The model proposes that each stage prepares the person for
the following stage and that different strategies are needed at different
stages to succeed.
Here are those stages of change:
Precontemplation.:
In the precontemplation stage, individuals aren't yet consciously aware that
change is necessary or desired. This may be because prior attempts to change
failed or it may be due to lack of insight or awareness of a problem. In order
to move past this stage, individuals must somehow become aware that there is a
problem and that change is required to accomplish a goal or aspiration. I
have learned a lot about this stage as I have spent time at Transformations
Treatment Center this last year and with the folks at 1st Responder
Treatment.
Contemplation: In
this stage, there is some awareness that change is needed or wanted, but there
is no commitment yet to actually change. This is where the resolution
comes in… REAL resolutions are hard to come by.
These
individuals are "on the fence." They recognize that their unhealthy
behavior or current situation is causing unwanted consequences, but they are
weighing whether changing will be worth it. Aside from the personal things
that I worked on this year, this stage was perhaps the biggest “hump” I had to
get over with Chasing4Life and how the company was running. Shouldn’t I just
let it all ride and hope next year would be different? Maybe the volunteers
would actually volunteer next month and I could put off a decision! This was
how I argued with myself for countless hours.
Some
people remain in the contemplation stage forever, never actually making a
commitment to do something differently. For others, the process takes a
few days or a few weeks. But regardless of how long it takes, the positive
aspect of being in this stage is that at least there is an openness to
hearing and learning about the unhealthy or unwanted behavior, which over time
may create the push needed to get to the next stage of change. Thank God I had people that spoke to me about
my personal life and my business life during this stage.
Preparation:
This is the stage where individuals start making plans to change.
They may start to do research on what they need to do to be successful in their
attempt to change and they may take small steps toward action.
For example,
someone with an anger control problem may find a therapist to learn strategies to better control
her emotions and actions; someone who wants to lose weight may join a gym. In the case of the disaster response team, I
began to research other teams and organizations that had been successful
.
If you're a workaholic and your plan is to spend more time away from the office doing something you
enjoy, don't make a plan that include spending ten hours a week on
"me time." Start off with something more realistic, like 15 or 30
minutes a day. Once you see that you can accomplish this, you can then
extend the time if you'd like. If you
think this cannot work for you, remember that just last week I took a week off
from work… the first time in 11 years I have taken a week off from work.
Action:
At this stage, you put your plan into action. You begin to make
the changes you desire and you try to cope with the challenges that
come with making those changes. To stay
successful, you'll need strategies to maintain the change.
Maintenance:
When you reach the six month mark and your change or new behavior remains
stable and consistent, you're into the Maintenance stage. The work now is
focused on enjoying the new change so you can truly begin to enjoy the NEW
year, the NEW you, your NEW business…
Here
is what I have learned…
Change
is not a bad thing and it can open up new possibilities. Eleanor Roosevelt once
said you should do something each day that scares the hell out of you, so why
not try to change something or try to accept a change you have been fighting?
This
week, as everyone once again talks about resolutions, try to look at being in
control of not being in control. Resolve to allow or make changes you know have
been needed for some time. Change is
most effective when it is self-motivated.
For two years I was advised by others to shut down the disaster response
team and I did not want to listen to that advice! The moment I advised MYSELF, the change
began…
Change
will be successful when it is rooted in positive thinking, so as you make your
resolutions, be positive and go into it knowing that it will be a ridiculous
country line dance for a while but that eventually you will make it around the
room.
Change
cannot be effective without help, so hold onto your dance partner.
Change
will be more effective when you are goal oriented so write it all down and
share it with a supporter. This was a HUGE help for me as I spoke to Wayne.
Change
is hard. But people tackle hard projects all the time. It can happen. You
just need patience, persistence, and a strong commitment to improve your life
by making changes for the better.
It
takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace
the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There
is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is
life, and in change there is power. (Life Coach & Author, Alan Cohen)
